(no subject)
Jul. 28th, 2010 08:33 pmI like this article about bodily autonomy a lot.
I'm scared to enforce my boundaries, most of the time. I try to use body language to communicate to people when touch is or is not welcome, but some people think they have a right to my body, or any woman's body, I suppose.
This one time when I was living in Spain I was introduced to a guy who really creeped me out. He had a skeevy way of staring at the women present, and I saw him copping several feels when he was introduced to another woman, so I resolutely gave him my hand to shake rather than allow him to kiss my cheek. He made a huge embarrassing stink about it, until his friends finally started giving him cold and mean looks. I was glad to have the silent support of the others, and when I asked after he left, they all said that is was completely okay with them that I had said no to him.
Unfortunately that is not usually the reaction I get when I stick to my limits. Admittedly, I do have a tendency to touch people who touch me, for example to push men away from me if they hit me or grope me, or to slap groping hands or kicking legs off me. And for a woman to raise her hand against a man, and invade his personal space is a huge offense. I've been accused of being insane and violent more than once because of it.
I know I should use my words, but it's hard to keep protesting verbally once you've been completely ignored or dismissed already, and sometimes I'm scared and want to make a gesture to shock them out of their complacency. And I can live with being called names, when it means they stop touching me :-)
I'm scared to enforce my boundaries, most of the time. I try to use body language to communicate to people when touch is or is not welcome, but some people think they have a right to my body, or any woman's body, I suppose.
This one time when I was living in Spain I was introduced to a guy who really creeped me out. He had a skeevy way of staring at the women present, and I saw him copping several feels when he was introduced to another woman, so I resolutely gave him my hand to shake rather than allow him to kiss my cheek. He made a huge embarrassing stink about it, until his friends finally started giving him cold and mean looks. I was glad to have the silent support of the others, and when I asked after he left, they all said that is was completely okay with them that I had said no to him.
Unfortunately that is not usually the reaction I get when I stick to my limits. Admittedly, I do have a tendency to touch people who touch me, for example to push men away from me if they hit me or grope me, or to slap groping hands or kicking legs off me. And for a woman to raise her hand against a man, and invade his personal space is a huge offense. I've been accused of being insane and violent more than once because of it.
I know I should use my words, but it's hard to keep protesting verbally once you've been completely ignored or dismissed already, and sometimes I'm scared and want to make a gesture to shock them out of their complacency. And I can live with being called names, when it means they stop touching me :-)