(no subject)

[noracharles]

I like this article about bodily autonomy a lot.

I'm scared to enforce my boundaries, most of the time. I try to use body language to communicate to people when touch is or is not welcome, but some people think they have a right to my body, or any woman's body, I suppose.

This one time when I was living in Spain I was introduced to a guy who really creeped me out. He had a skeevy way of staring at the women present, and I saw him copping several feels when he was introduced to another woman, so I resolutely gave him my hand to shake rather than allow him to kiss my cheek. He made a huge embarrassing stink about it, until his friends finally started giving him cold and mean looks. I was glad to have the silent support of the others, and when I asked after he left, they all said that is was completely okay with them that I had said no to him.

Unfortunately that is not usually the reaction I get when I stick to my limits. Admittedly, I do have a tendency to touch people who touch me, for example to push men away from me if they hit me or grope me, or to slap groping hands or kicking legs off me. And for a woman to raise her hand against a man, and invade his personal space is a huge offense. I've been accused of being insane and violent more than once because of it.

I know I should use my words, but it's hard to keep protesting verbally once you've been completely ignored or dismissed already, and sometimes I'm scared and want to make a gesture to shock them out of their complacency. And I can live with being called names, when it means they stop touching me :-)

Comments

[carolyn_claire]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with exposing them to a little unwanted touching of their, own in response to theirs--it's probably good for them. Might even make them think for a second before they do it again.

[noracharles]

Thank you :-)

[carolyn_claire]

Wow, I punctuated that strangely--what was I doing?

[noracharles]

I don't know, but I didn't notice that extra comma before you pointed it out. It's charmingly eccentric :-D

[carolyn_claire]

Much like myself. Heh. :P

[calvinahobbes]

I can relate to what the article says about not liking touch except when I get to prepare for it or control it. It took me forever to 'learn' to shake hands and even hug hello or goodbye - I still think the custom is silly 99% of the time; there are not very many people I actually feel the urge to hug - but I've learned to accept it. I guess because not touching is unacceptable in our society?

I think you're absoloutely right to fight back: if they can't take a hint, we'll simply have to teach them in terms they can understand. *shrug*

[noracharles]

Yeah, all that hugging stuff is annoying. It didn't use to be like that, but now it seems everyone is doing it. There are a few people I don't mind hugging, and like you, I've just learned to accept it from others.

Thank you :-)