White Collar 101
Oct. 24th, 2009 11:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
noracharlesWhat I learned about women from watching WC 101:
Women are there for you to enjoy! One of the good things about getting released from prison is that you get to use women. You can stare at them all you want, and if you put in the effort and flirt a bit with them, they'll try to please you and do stuff for you. Because that's what women are for.
Women's emotions don't matter, except for when they become a problem to you. A good wife will keep her emotions from bothering you, that's what makes her good. Sometimes women are just too emotional though, and that's when you have to solve the problem. If you just apply yourself to the problem, you can make it go away. You don't need to waste time during your marriage on getting to know your wife, because if she's a good wife, most of the time she won't trouble you with her emotions. On the rare occasions when you have to deal with the problem, you can just search through her possessions, and buy her a luxury item she wants.
Women are yours. If you're considering dating a woman, you should stalk her to see if she's good enough. She'll thank you later. If your wife is being problematical and having emotions, you should stalk her to try to solve the problem. She'll thank you for it. If a woman leaves you, you should stalk her and try to take her back. If a woman suspects you wouldn't stalk her if she left you, she'll think you don't value her as a possession, and then she might get emotional.
Women are at your disposition at all times. The only reason a woman has to turn you down is if she's a lesbian. Lesbianism is a waste of a sexy woman. Lesbians are lesbians just to thwart you. Lesbians want to be like you and wear hats and suits, because they know that you are better than women, but they also want to look sexy for you, as is only right. Even though you don't get to have sex with lesbians, they are there for you to stare at as much as you want.
Women come in two types: One type of woman is young, slim, has long, shiny, straight hair, wears a lot of make-up, wears figure-hugging clothing, wears high heels, flirts with you, and is there for you to stare at. The other type of woman is invisible, except when doing you a favor.
Women care about dumb stuff. You wouldn't care about your wedding anniversary, of course. The thought of a wife giving her husband a present on their anniversary, or a couple making plans together is just ludicrous, because why would you want to celebrate your relationship? But women sometimes have emotions for dumb reasons, and you need to solve that before it becomes a bigger problem.
Women, I tell you. They're a nuisance to deal with, but we still want to fuck them. Ammirite?
I also learned a politically correct tip from watching WC:
Don't say the d-word, it's offensive to little people! But it's okay to say "enano", because Hispanics don't watch TV, and if they do, who cares what they think anyway.
Oh yeah, you better believe I'm going to be watching this show for the ho-yay.
Women are there for you to enjoy! One of the good things about getting released from prison is that you get to use women. You can stare at them all you want, and if you put in the effort and flirt a bit with them, they'll try to please you and do stuff for you. Because that's what women are for.
Women's emotions don't matter, except for when they become a problem to you. A good wife will keep her emotions from bothering you, that's what makes her good. Sometimes women are just too emotional though, and that's when you have to solve the problem. If you just apply yourself to the problem, you can make it go away. You don't need to waste time during your marriage on getting to know your wife, because if she's a good wife, most of the time she won't trouble you with her emotions. On the rare occasions when you have to deal with the problem, you can just search through her possessions, and buy her a luxury item she wants.
Women are yours. If you're considering dating a woman, you should stalk her to see if she's good enough. She'll thank you later. If your wife is being problematical and having emotions, you should stalk her to try to solve the problem. She'll thank you for it. If a woman leaves you, you should stalk her and try to take her back. If a woman suspects you wouldn't stalk her if she left you, she'll think you don't value her as a possession, and then she might get emotional.
Women are at your disposition at all times. The only reason a woman has to turn you down is if she's a lesbian. Lesbianism is a waste of a sexy woman. Lesbians are lesbians just to thwart you. Lesbians want to be like you and wear hats and suits, because they know that you are better than women, but they also want to look sexy for you, as is only right. Even though you don't get to have sex with lesbians, they are there for you to stare at as much as you want.
Women come in two types: One type of woman is young, slim, has long, shiny, straight hair, wears a lot of make-up, wears figure-hugging clothing, wears high heels, flirts with you, and is there for you to stare at. The other type of woman is invisible, except when doing you a favor.
Women care about dumb stuff. You wouldn't care about your wedding anniversary, of course. The thought of a wife giving her husband a present on their anniversary, or a couple making plans together is just ludicrous, because why would you want to celebrate your relationship? But women sometimes have emotions for dumb reasons, and you need to solve that before it becomes a bigger problem.
Women, I tell you. They're a nuisance to deal with, but we still want to fuck them. Ammirite?
I also learned a politically correct tip from watching WC:
Don't say the d-word, it's offensive to little people! But it's okay to say "enano", because Hispanics don't watch TV, and if they do, who cares what they think anyway.
Oh yeah, you better believe I'm going to be watching this show for the ho-yay.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-24 11:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-24 01:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-24 05:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-24 10:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-24 05:28 pm (UTC)Secondly: What's this show then? And what's ho-yay? :-D
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-24 10:15 pm (UTC)I wish I could say that it had been an effort to analyze the show, but the sad truth is that the sexism was extremely blatant and in your face. The stalking was remarked on by both main characters and the wife of one of them: according to the men stalking is wrong... if you misuse public funds and man hours to do it, or if it'll get you in legal trouble for violating the terms of your house arrest. According to the wife of one of the men, stalking is romantic. (Genius! No one will notice that the episode was written by a man.) Oh, and it was heavily foreshadowed that the girlfriend being stalked by one of the main characters didn't really leave him; she was taken from him, by another man. (As if a woman could be her own person anyway.)
And I actually forgot to mention how a married man isn't to be blamed for cheating. It's only natural that he would do so, when women act so provocative.
White Collar is a new TV show on USA. It's about a criminal who escapes from jail so he can stalk his ex, and the FBI agent who catches him. They make a deal, where the criminal gets house arrest instead of having to stay in prison as long as he's willing to help the FBI solve crimes.
Ho-yay is short for "homoeroticism, yay!" It's a term from the televisionwithoutpity.com forums. The show is beautifully filmed, has great costumes, and the actor who plays the FBI agent is very good, and very attractive. The actor who plays the criminal isn't very good, but I can accept the character acting really fake and affected all the time. And he looks good without his shirt on, so that's something.
I think the jokes are okay. A lot of them were offensive, but some were entertaining enough. The plot was very simple, and the important details were hammered home in a very patronizing way. The writers assume the audience is really stupid, or only watching for the eye-candy. I'll definitely watch next week, because I do like the actor who plays the FBI agent, and I hope the script won't be as horrible. I don't think I'll enjoy the show for itself, but it could be one of the ones I watch so I can follow the fanfic.
I don't know. I still watch Supernatural, and I watched every single episode of Stargate Atlantis, though both shows are extremely racist and sexist. On the other hand, I just deleted both The Man from U.N.C.L.E. and Starsky & Hutch because I just couldn't convince myself to watch anymore episodes. I have to have at least one character to love if I'm going to watch a show that repulses me so much it turns my stomach.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-25 01:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-25 05:27 am (UTC)But the racism was too much for me.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-26 06:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-28 09:55 am (UTC)I was upset that characters of color (and this includes dark skinned Mediterranean people) are shown to be utterly expendable. They're cowards. They're stupid. They're traitorous. Even their best and brightest are too dumb to run away from an over-pressurized container while staring right at the pressure indicator with the needle pointing high in the red field until a white man tells them to. Because they're so cowardly, treacherous and stupid, they're probably lousy backup, but if you can guilt or intimidate them into going with you, it's perfectly all right to leave them behind when you blow up the enemy compound.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-29 12:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-29 03:42 pm (UTC)I liked Illya, but was not very fond of Napoleon. A lot of the innocents were just terrible, terrible actors. I wasn't very interested in the plots; from fic I assume the plots got a lot better and more challenging later on, but I felt like watching an episode was more of a chore than a pleasure, and when I knew enough about canon to understand the fic, I just didn't see any reason to continue. With other shows I've watched the greatest/most slashy episodes and skipped the rest, but the first episode really put me off and made me distrust the show when it came to characters of color, and they did nothing to win back my trust.
Supernatural is extremely racist and sexist, but I started watching it with a friend, and I didn't mind watching some dumb, cheesy show as long as I had fun hanging out with her. Then it grew on me, I started caring about the characters, and I found out that the writing is often really clever. Maybe if I had started watching M.U.N.C.L.E. with a friend, or if Illya had a character arch I just had to follow, I would have thought watching was worth it, but as it is, I figure I get the good parts in fic, minus some of the bad parts.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 03:31 am (UTC)You might want to give the St. Crispin's Society stories a try.