Guilty pleasures
Jan. 24th, 2010 06:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
noracharlesI don't understand the concept of the "guilty pleasure". What does it mean? Is it something only or primarily women have?
Sometimes I do things I've resolved not to do, or fail to do something I've resolved to do, and sometimes it's serious enough that I feel guilty about it. And then I don't tell anyone, because, you know, I feel guilty. I might tell an especially close friend under implicit condition of silence if we're discussing guilt and feelings of inadequacy and how we deal with it, but generally speaking, I don't go around telling people what I feel guilty about.
There are things I like and enjoy which have flaws. For example I like the Star Trek reboot! I like it a lot. And I think it has way too many dicks on the dance floor, and I think it uses its female characters in sexist ways. So when I talk about Star Trek I might say "Even though I have some reservations about its sexism, I loved the new Star Trek, it was true to the spirit of the original series and it was funny" just so no one thinks I'm ignorant of or approve of the sexism. But I don't feel guilty for liking it. Does anyone think I should? If I should, does admitting my guilt publicly mean I deserve a lesser punishment?
If people are so worried about being judged for stuff they like, why don't they talk about the problems with what they like, instead of just using the vague "guilty pleasure"? Does this have to do with Impostor Syndrome? Does this have to do with the thing where you're not allowed to criticize anything you like, or to like anything you criticize?
Sometimes I do things I've resolved not to do, or fail to do something I've resolved to do, and sometimes it's serious enough that I feel guilty about it. And then I don't tell anyone, because, you know, I feel guilty. I might tell an especially close friend under implicit condition of silence if we're discussing guilt and feelings of inadequacy and how we deal with it, but generally speaking, I don't go around telling people what I feel guilty about.
There are things I like and enjoy which have flaws. For example I like the Star Trek reboot! I like it a lot. And I think it has way too many dicks on the dance floor, and I think it uses its female characters in sexist ways. So when I talk about Star Trek I might say "Even though I have some reservations about its sexism, I loved the new Star Trek, it was true to the spirit of the original series and it was funny" just so no one thinks I'm ignorant of or approve of the sexism. But I don't feel guilty for liking it. Does anyone think I should? If I should, does admitting my guilt publicly mean I deserve a lesser punishment?
If people are so worried about being judged for stuff they like, why don't they talk about the problems with what they like, instead of just using the vague "guilty pleasure"? Does this have to do with Impostor Syndrome? Does this have to do with the thing where you're not allowed to criticize anything you like, or to like anything you criticize?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-26 02:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-26 08:43 am (UTC)I'm in a "female dominated" field, which is to say there are far more women than men, but even so female students tend to defer to male students in class room discussions, and male students and teachers often react as if it's not their ideas being challenged but their ego and status when a woman contradicts them.
I prefer the classes where there are only women or only women and confident men who don't need or want others to defer to them because of their gender. But tptb are brainstorming how to get more men into post-secondary education.
I agree that I don't want a whole generation of young men to lose out on an education because they don't know how to handle themselves in an environment where verbal ability is that important. But I think the problem is in the way we teach our children. We teach boys that everything they say or do is an extension of their ego and must be praised. We teach girls that everything they say or do should be submitted for critique and approval, and that they should have no ego.
The boys grow up into men who learn that others will contradict them, but they only allow it from their betters, so there! The girls grow up into women who learn that they have the right to have an opinion and state it, but only as long as they argue for it convincingly, and only as long as they're Good.
I see the "guilty pleasure" thing as a symptom of this. "I know that I'm not allowed to have a preference if I can't argue for it convincingly, and I accept full responsibility for my poor taste. Please don't contradict me, because then I'd have to submit or be Bad."
I don't think everyone who says "guilty pleasure" thinks like that, and many people in this discussion have explained that they don't. It's just a convenient term. But convenient terms have baggage.