That's a very interesting perspective. I had always put it down to wanting to appear sexually attractive to men by pleasing them, and a general fear of being seen as unfeminine and thus being punished for not conforming.
I read a discussion about rape culture not so long ago, where an American and a Brit compared statistics, and they were shockingly different. I have the impression that women do fear men more in the United States, but it's so hard to tell given how vast and varied the country is. My only direct experience is with Arkansas and Washington state, and only in a certain social class and environment, naturally.
I have to say, I know a lot of men, and love and respect some of them dearly. The ones I like the most who are not in my immediate family are the ones who have the strength and confidence to be feminists. It is very, very difficult for me not to fall into the trap of exceptionalism. Logically I know that male and female social groups are parallel to a large extent, and that when the genders do mix both genders change their behavior. When I think of how differently women behave among women and in the company of men, and how men misjudge women in dismissive, generalizing ways for being stupid, submissive and backstabbing to other women and I know how false and skewed that perspective is, it stands to reason that men can be pretty awesome when I'm not there to observe them.
For instance, I often listen to thoughtful and sensitive men on the radio. Just as soon as a woman is present, most men act like entitled jerks. The behavior is especially bad when more than one man is present - they can be quite pleasant one on one. So I have to conclude that a large part of their behavior is ultra-masculine posturing for the benefit of other men, enacting some bizarre idea of being the kind of man women want. And they're never corrected in this belief, because the women are busy enacting the ultra-feminine woman men want.
I don't understand what you mean by signing your name on e-groups. How is the way you identify yourself different there? On LJ/dw we have pseuds and user info to identify us, and some even use their icons as avatars.
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Date: 2009-09-11 05:58 pm (UTC)I read a discussion about rape culture not so long ago, where an American and a Brit compared statistics, and they were shockingly different. I have the impression that women do fear men more in the United States, but it's so hard to tell given how vast and varied the country is. My only direct experience is with Arkansas and Washington state, and only in a certain social class and environment, naturally.
I have to say, I know a lot of men, and love and respect some of them dearly. The ones I like the most who are not in my immediate family are the ones who have the strength and confidence to be feminists. It is very, very difficult for me not to fall into the trap of exceptionalism. Logically I know that male and female social groups are parallel to a large extent, and that when the genders do mix both genders change their behavior. When I think of how differently women behave among women and in the company of men, and how men misjudge women in dismissive, generalizing ways for being stupid, submissive and backstabbing to other women and I know how false and skewed that perspective is, it stands to reason that men can be pretty awesome when I'm not there to observe them.
For instance, I often listen to thoughtful and sensitive men on the radio. Just as soon as a woman is present, most men act like entitled jerks. The behavior is especially bad when more than one man is present - they can be quite pleasant one on one. So I have to conclude that a large part of their behavior is ultra-masculine posturing for the benefit of other men, enacting some bizarre idea of being the kind of man women want. And they're never corrected in this belief, because the women are busy enacting the ultra-feminine woman men want.
I don't understand what you mean by signing your name on e-groups. How is the way you identify yourself different there? On LJ/dw we have pseuds and user info to identify us, and some even use their icons as avatars.