I struggle a lot with ableist language too. It was only during the warnings debate that I was made aware of my internalized ableism, and the widespread ableist oppression going on all over.

I'm working to learn, and I'm not going to hold it against anyone if they're ignorant. Ignorance is a state, not a quality :-)

I didn't know that it was not okay to call someone "spastic" when they were not, I used to use the word and derivations of it derogatorily, just as I used "lame" and many, many words for mental illness and developmental disabilities.

It is difficult to weed out all those words, because they're so common and ingrained, and it's easy to ignore them when I am not personally demeaned by them.